Bipolar personality emergency

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It all started on 6th January 2014,my first day on WordPress.I had said no to medicines since March 2012 and two years later almost same time I was put for just 5 days on severely strong medications due to stress, I thought I could manage on my own and pain which was unbearable.The need to do all things myself and have everything perfect was my cobweb and after repeated warnings and signals about my closed ones telling me I was on the edge,I gave all of them a deaf ear.There were many factors that aggravated my bipolar like my husband travelling for 5 days a week for his work schedules,my father-in-laws prostrate cancer surgery,my kids final exams,our 18th anniversary,my blog and last but not the least my pms and over sensitive stomach and back aches.I was very reckless while dealing with my own body in the past and thought it’s always supported me in thick and thin.Now that I’m 38 I realised I’m not getting any younger.

Due to the articles I wrote,I use to be awake late night and my sleep had vanished.I felt responsible for my kids,my home and my family during the day time.All this created a lot of pain in me and my confusions started.I wanted to be there for everyone without telling them I was suffering inside.Too many thoughts in my mind and excessive talking made my husband realise I needed help.He started counselling me,telling me to organise my time and get my biological factors right.I behaved rude with him and everyone who tried to help me telling them they don’t understand what I’m going through.It was the last straw that broke the camels back, when I was struck with a water infection,migraine and high blood pressure.I then knew I was sick as I had severe diarrhoea and vomiting,food was impossible to get into my system.More than a week I lived on water,fruit juices and curd with minimum to eat that too home made vegetarian food.I was stubborn as I dint want to take medications which from past two years were invisible.Since something had to be done my husband took me to a local doctor to cure my viral infection, and then to my psychiatrist.He explained the whole concept to me very well and I was convinced with the medications.

Had taken medicines for long years so was also little skeptical and tried seeing the side effects on google.It was a waste as my husband rightly said “extra analysis leads to paralysis”! I’m feeling completely good and healthy again,as this Friday my verdict to stop medicines or taper them gradually will be out! Was always called a sleeping beauty all my life so my inner instincts are kept positive by myself.I would love to thank once again my whole family and friends for their unconditional support. Would also like to thank all my amazing friends here on WordPress and twitter who were a part of my confusions and silliness.I feel blessed to have support from places which I never expected ever.

Bipolar personality disorder is an illness of the mind.We need to be the ruler of our minds and not slaves to it.Due to medications drinking ample of water and liquids is essential.Bipolar is like diabetes or blood pressure and one must never ignore medications.Going to a counsellor for venting out feelings on a regular basis is very helpful.I personally feel life is too beautiful to love, and a waste of time to hate.

Audit

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Cameras all around the place
Some hidden some visible
Performance at its best
Volume in control

Pressure to survive
Sleep in control
Claustrophobic crowds
Silence in demand

Thoughts figures past
When will March pass
Speed at its best
Will tomorrow come

Territory in threat
Scrutinising at its best
Betrayals expectations disappointments
The new year carries our faith

Healing

Good morning☕️☕️almost sick from past 15 days drinking unknowingly im purified water with 100 fever almost daily,bad bronchitis,and headache.My both kids having their final exams with my husband travelling due to his job. Too much on my hands,as I newly started recognising my writing skills too,must say my creativity should have waited until my mothers responsibility were over😂Being a bipolar is sometimes very difficult as we want to deal with everything with perfection! I took too much stress for my kids exams as if I was going to write their paper,and ended up at a physician with a viral infection and little high blood pressure( looks like bp is very attached to me)

Always due to past medicines and dryness I learnt water is the best healer.knew this time I need to keep myself from getting dehydrated,so drank maximum water,fruits,juices and curd.Learnt from the above to let go of some responsibility and ask for help,though learnt it with once again taking antibiotics which induce sleep and dryness in the mouth.Taking a weekend sabbatical along with my son who’s final test are next week.

A friendly advice to my bipolar friends, we already dealing with our minds,let go and ask for help and know our strengths.Share work and be expressive in your surroundings as no one but we can help our selfs.With love and with being humble help pours in from places least expected.Keep consuming loads of water and liquids.It makes the immune system stronger.Rest I’m sure the family and counsellors do their job well.Stay blessed.

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Positively taming bipolar

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This is my own experience of positively taming bipolar!! At the age of seven my mom was told by my paediatric I need to see a counsellor,but due to myths, silent social stigma and not too much of acceptance of the newly found mental Illnesses,my family was skeptical in doing so.We lived in India, City Mumbai and it was in the 80’s.I was a very different and difficult child to deal with,a tom boy who was not interested in studies,but a voracious reader of mills and boons,James Hardly chase,Archie comics,asterix,chacha chowdhary,supandi,tintin,Richie rich.Later my liking to reading made me read Sidney Sheldon books,Jeffrey archer,Mario Puzo and many more.Music was one on my likes too.From childhood my parents and siblings taught me to be strong and a fighter as I was the youngest and very sensitive.10 years younger than my sister and 7 years younger to my brother.Our home conditions itself taught us to be survivors.Thanks to my amazing papa who had a reading habit and we three kids got attracted to books.Thanks to my mummy who always believed in doing good.

I got in love with the man of my dreams.Tall dark and handsome character which existed in my imagination.Words fall short to explain my husband as he is the best.We borne a girl child and a boy.Today we are proud parents and my family is complete.Yes more than I got tortured I was the tormentor though unknowingly.I always for some time after my medications stopped, asked my GOD why me?I saw my pain and my 37 years slipping away,saw my admissions to rehabs,my bloated self,my scars,my pain(all of it as ladies face even pms).Had blocked my mind to feel sorry for my husbands and kids sufferings as they lived with me.My whole family’s sacrifices and pain.My doctor who I second to GOD always.Thanks to my fathers science who’s no more,my brother and sisters numerology,my mom and sister in laws constant positivity and guidance,the amazing support of my husband and inlaws,my kids who love me today,loads of good relatives,old classmates,best friends and last but not the least my 2 beauties,my four legged babies Feedo and fluffy.

Having dealt with 37 years of unwanted negativity which if controlled on time could have been prevented,today this year started of with my blog on 6th jan and very soon lot on my mind.I search for solace in my mind as I know sky ain’t the limit the mind is.Have faith and I’m sure of my love and support.Learnt to tame my own bipolar knowing and challenging my dirty mind to come out.Its tamed so well by my good self,my reading knowledge,my family’s love and support and my survivor instincts that I have the urge to reach many alike me.I am blessed forever and my wish is that you stay blessed!!

Past~Perfect

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Past existed gone today
Rage insanity worries and pain
In control today
If tomorrow comes
Bright is our future

Untrustworthy were she and me
Gaining trust is not our worry
Fearless are we
Lived by flames
Diplomaed by aromas

Minds weak pure heart are we
Strengths desires courage positivity we share
Indebted and in love are we
Proud of our off springs
Rooted us the perfect plant

Regrets complains hurt and pain
All forgotten showering our seeds
Blessed are we with unity
We are theirs they our ours
Past was future is

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