Temporary Insanity

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My bp had a tequila called postpartum psychosis.A painful combination where in I ignored my first child.I was 20 when the nurse handed her over to me.While in hospital I admired her beauty,her little hands,her brown hair,her smile,her skin.She was an answer to my prayers.I stayed with her for 12 days in the hospital as I underwent a cesarean operation.Adored her,played with her,but when it came to feeding and changing her nappies a deep sense of irritation use to engulf me.Was ashamed to discuss it with anyone with the fear of being labelled a bad mother so soon.

It aggravated when I reached home.I kept convincing my self my negative behaviour towards her was due to my stitches and lack of sleep.My behaviour became very insane, and non- motherly feeling were all I had to offer to her.My family and husband started to fear to leave me alone with her.Very vindictive was my nature when it came to her feeding,that one day I tried to suffocate her while feeding.I was noticed doing so by my husband who pulled her away and gave me a piece of his mind.With my growing conflicts and mood disorders my daughter also grew.

Today she is 17 and I’m blessed as her and my conversations are like two close girl friends.

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