A shiver rolls down my spine when my thoughts friction that days incident.It was late in the evening,I was anyways low n tired of my over doses,kids responsibilities,cooking,putting up with a smile at the uninvited neighbours who came to enquire how the kids and me are and etc etc.Was looking forward for my kids father to return home so I could complain about their study’s and non willingness to help a little in maintaining their own rooms.
My wait turned into anxiety and my mind by then had gone on its routine of unwanted over imaginative thinking.As he stepped home I started with my regular complaints n he unusually told me can’t u have a smiling silent face at least once when I return home? By saying so he offended me and killed my hope of getting pampered.As a bp the urge in me arose to take immediate revenge not only to him but to his two kids who he loved so much (in those episodes kids were his)
For more than 4 hours I threw a torturous tantrum which included insults to him and his family,and trying to hurt the kids.Took the extreme step of pouring kerosine all over the house when felt he only loved his kids.Took the matchbox and intended to burn the place down.By then I had created a large audience outside my door,my hubby somehow reached the guarded door (by me) and let help pour in.As I was hurt by him in his struggle to acquire help (ignoring the fact of the pain I inflicted on him and his kids) I got the worst in me and got a stick out of the matchbox and started executing my plan.His timing and GODS unwillingness were very much present in preventing me from the disaster.
Today I love the smell of kerosine as I have a calcium deficiency and it reminds me of the fact that GOD had better plans for me.